


Walking Down The Hill

by perpetuallydreaming



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 15:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetuallydreaming/pseuds/perpetuallydreaming
Summary: The Avengers have to investigate and dismantle a HYDRA base. How does Bucky deal with his first HYDRA occurrence since his time sent in Wakanda healing from the damage they inflicted. Can the reader handle a fight against HYDRA?





	Walking Down The Hill

Bucky felt as if there were a vise wrapped around his chest. Getting impossibly tighter and if he didn’t know any better he thought his ribs would break. He felt as if the blood in his veins and suddenly turned to ice, yet he felt himself getting sweaty like when Steve and him workout. He wasn’t able to pull himself out of it until he felt a small hand on his knee. A delicate finger tracing various patterns, the most calming a figure eight pattern that somehow calmed his breathing. After a moment or two, Tony’s voice came back into focus instead of just being background noise. 

“No one goes it alone. Do everything you can to stay with your partner. Barnes I want you with-”

“Y/L/N is with me.” Bucky spoke up. His tone leaving no room for argument. Tony looked Bucky in the eyes and nodded before continuing. 

“Barnes, Y/L/N, and Thor you three to work together sweeping the second level, so Rogers and Romanoff can get to the third level and take down the boss and get any data from this headquarters that may lead us to any others. Barton and Wilson I want you two ready on the quinjet ready to take off if necessary, but you two can also keep watch on the outside for any hydra members trying to escape. Vision, Maximoff and I will sweep the first floor and try to keep anyone from escaping the base. Over the next week I want everyone to not only train for what we’re up against, but I also want us to memorize the blue prints that we have of the base. It probably won’t be exact, but something is better than nothing.” Tony ended his speech looking at everyone, making sure everyone was all on the same page before dismissing everyone. You stood up and turned to face Bucky. You could feel the anxiety rolling off of him in waves. 

While he had spent a considerable amount of time in Wakanda healing, facing HYDRA had him on edge, and you couldn’t blame him a bit for it. Bucky continued to sit unflinchingly in his seat while the others left the room. Steve look towards you with a question in his eyes and you shook your head letting him know you had it handled and to go on ahead. Once everyone left the room you moved slowly in front of Bucky before sitting on his lap, you looked into his eyes while one hand rested on his shoulder and the other carded through his hair, something you knew he found comforting. Bucky looked into your eyes and you could see there were filled with worry and something else. 

“Wanna talk about it, or do you want a distraction?” You asked him softly. Giving him the power to decide was a comfort he needed, but it also guided you on how to help him best. Sometimes Bucky would want to talk about it, sometimes he would want to be distracted for a bit before he would open up. 

“I’m gonna hit the gym before going to bed, don’t wait up.” Bucky said in a soft, but gruff voice. He lifted you with ease from his lap and was out the door in a blink of an eye. Yes, sometimes Bucky would want to talk about it, and other times he would want a distraction before he’d talk about what was actually bothering him, but he had never just shut you out before. You took a deep breath before wearily getting up and heading to your shared room with Bucky, unsure of whether you should just head to your own room for the night. You walked to Bucky’s door, stopping for a second before heading in. You knew you would get a restless sleep in your own bed, if you got any at all. You hoped that once morning came things would be back to normal. 

You reached across the bed as you opened your eyes and deflated a bit when you noticed Bucky wasn’t there. His side of the bed felt as cold as his metal arm. Not wanting to, but doing it anyway, you get up and got dressed for the first day of training. You walk down to the gym and you spot Bucky laying into a punching bag with Steve right beside him. Natasha and Wanda were in the ring training with Vision watching from the sidelines. Sam was standing against the wall taking a long drink from his water bottle. You walked up to him and began your stretches. 

“On your left.” You said with a cheeky smile. 

“Oh hell no, not you too!”

“Sorry, Sammy. I just couldn’t resist!”

“Oh, no you’re gonna get it!” Sam said as he pushed himself away from the wall. You let out a squeal and took off running across the gym. You knew Sam hated your nickname for him, but he also knew that you only used it to get a rise out of him. It didn’t take long before Sam was tackling you down to a sparring mat. 

“On your left, Y/L/N!” Sam shouted as he tackled you. His fingers finding your sides to tickle you as his revenge. You were laughing so hard you were crying. 

“Are you two done?” Shouted the irritated voice of your boyfriend. Silence filled the room after. Usually he’d be one to join in on the antics between you and Sam. Everyone knew that you were the little sister Sam never had, and he was the older brother you never had. Which was exactly why everyone was looking between the two of you and Bucky with looks of astonishment and confusion clear as day on their faces. 

“My bad.” Sam said in apology while standing up. He offered a hand to you to help you up, and if he hadn’t you probably would have been stuck to the floor in shock. Sam looked at you questioningly and with a shake of your head you walked away and head towards the treadmill for your warm-up run. You put your headphones in and blasted your gym playlist during your ten mile run. Over an hour later you’re pulling out your headphones and getting off the treadmill, noting that your time had improved you gave yourself a mental high-five. You looked around the gym and noticed that most of your teammates had finished training for the morning. The only one left was Bucky who was stretching in the ring. 

“C’mon, doll. I wanna show you some moves.” Bucky’s tone wasn’t the usual warm one that he used with you, it seemed tired and on edge, but the use of your nickname that uses for you and only you gave you a bit of reassurance that things were okay between you despite how he’d been acting since yesterday. You got into the ring and stretched a little to make sure you were ready for what Bucky wanted to throw at you. Bucky taught you some new moves, and pinned you down every single time. By the time he called it quits for the day you were frustrated, and he seemed no better. Bucky stalked off to the showers while you took a minute to sit on the floor of the ring. This was going to be a long week, and you already couldn’t wait for it to be over.

As each day passed with the same routine you couldn’t help but feel more and more frustrated. What was worse was that you could tell Bucky felt the same way, and even though he didn’t say he was disappointed in your inability to take him down, or at least not get yourself pinned, you could tell it was there. It wasn’t until the day before the mission when you were training with Bucky again that things finally came to a head and exploded between the two of you.

“C’mon, Y/N! You’re gonna get yourself killed out there if you don’t get a grip on this!” Bucky yelled at you. The venom and annoyance  in his tone didn’t go unmissed, and that was your final straw. You stared up at Bucky for a second before standing up and walking out of the ring. You heard Bucky let out a sigh behind you and you knew that he knew you were pissed and he had gone too far. 

“Y/N, wait. Wait up!” Bucky jumped out of the ring and caught up with you before you could push open the gym doors. You spun around the second you felt his fingers graze your arm. 

“Ya know, you’ve been a real ass all week Bucky, and I’ve kept my mouth shut about it because I know this has to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but that doesn’t give you the right to not only push me away, but also act like a complete ass. If you’re so sure that I’m gonna get myself killed tomorrow then go to Tony and request a new partner and get me suspended from the mission. Otherwise quit the shit and admit that you’re problem isn’t with me, but with the fact that you’re scared shitless about tomorrow.” You yelled at Bucky with tears coming down your face. You swiftly turned back around and headed to your room to shower this god awful day away. You also wanted to wash away the guilt that overcame you from yelling at Bucky. He looked like a kicked puppy by the time you were done yelling at him and you felt terrible about it. You also knew that you told him the cold, hard truth. You just hoped that Bucky could forgive you and things would go back to normal after tomorrow. 

You walked into your room, locked your door behind you, and told FRIDAY that you didn’t want any visitors or disturbances until you had to get up for the mission in the morning. You honestly didn’t know at this point if Bucky would try talking to you or not, but you just wanted to shower and attempt sleeping. You stripped your sweaty clothes on the way to your en suite bathroom letting the clothes fall to the floor as you took them off. You just didn’t care and couldn’t be bothered. You were emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. You stepped under the steaming shower and got to work scrubbing the day away. Tears continued to fall down your face and mingle with the stream of water from the shower. You prayed that tomorrow would go smoothly and quickly, but you had a bad feeling in your bones that tomorrow wasn’t going to go well. 

Bucky paced outside of your bedroom door in the hallway. He felt like an ass. He knew that if his ma could see him right now she would be giving him an earful about how she raised him better. He tried opening your door to find it locked, it took him a minute to fight through the lump that was constricting his voice in his throat to ask FRIDAY to open the door. The answer the automated AI gave him sent his heart plummeting into his stomach. He knew as soon as the words left his mouth in the ring that he had gone too far. He did exactly what he didn’t want to and took his fear and anxiety out on you. Bucky stopped pacing and leaned against the wall beside your door before sliding down it, hoping that he could catch you before you would head to dinner. Bucky closed his eyes and waited.

After your shower you sluggishly walked around the room grabbing pajamas before curling up in your bed. Your stomach growled with hunger for dinner, but you made no effort to move. You were thoroughly exhausted and decided to just eat a bigger breakfast when morning came. You closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep, but not before swearing you could hear Bucky’s soft snores.

Bucky woke in the morning with a stiff neck. His entire body was stiff if he was being honest. It was also a little early for him to be up. He had a whole hour before he had to be up according to the AI when he asked the time. He realized that he had either slept through you going to dinner, or you never went. Bucky knew that when you were drained or stressed you wouldn’t exactly stay up on your self care like you should. Bucky got up and walked to his room to shower and get ready for the mission. He hoped the feeling of dread and guilt would wash away in the shower like a baptism.

You woke an hour early when you heard someone out in the hallway. You elected to ignore figuring it was just Steve getting up for a quick run and continued to lie in bed. You stayed there until you could no longer ignore the rumbling of your stomach and got up and made your way to the kitchen. You made yourself a bowl of oatmeal with a side of fruit, hoping it would settle your nervous stomach. You rinsed your bowl when you were done before putting it in the dishwasher, the last thing you needed was to upset Tony before the mission. 

You made your way to your room and began getting dressed for the mission. You pulled on your under armor wear before pulling on your skin tight, black leather suit. You pulled out all of your various knives, guns, a collapsible baton, throwing stars, holsters, and anything else you could strap to your body. You pulled the thigh holsters over your legs before pulling on your combat boots and lacing them up. Strapping everything you could to your body you took a could of deep breaths in front of the mirror as you checked yourself over to make sure everything was in place and you weren’t forgetting anything. You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a knock at your door.

“Everyone’s heading to the quinjet, just so you know.” Bucky’s voice drifted through your door. He sounded rough. Not rough in the way that he had been all week, but in the way that meant he realized how he had been acting and honestly felt bad about it. It sent a pang in your chest as you remembered your fight. You headed towards your door and opened it. Bucky’s head was bowed, his hair falling like a curtain and hiding his face. You pulled a spare hair tie off your wrist and handed it to him before tilting your head to let Bucky know to start heading towards the quinjet. 

You two joined the others inside the quinjet, the walkway closing behind you. You headed to your seat and buckled yourself in as Tony stood in the front and began going over the plan one last time. Bucky sat down beside you in his regular seat. His fingertips grazed yours. You looked over to him and saw a shy smile on his face. Bucky could be a man of few words sometimes and you knew this was his way of asking if his touch was okay. You turned your hand so your palm was facing up. Bucky looked up to you, a little shocked that you were open to him after how he acted this week. He tentatively laced his hand with yours and gave him hand a gentle squeeze before redirecting your focus back to Tony. 

“Everyone got the plan down?”

“Tony, I think even the plant in the office has the plan down at this point.” Natasha sasses back to Tony causing him to roll his eyes.

Tony then launched into the back up plans, what to do if you get separated, what to expect at this particular base and from these particular HYDRA agents, and then with the last fifteen minutes before the jet would land he went over the plan. You couldn’t blame Tony though, after everything with the Accords you knew he was just being thorough and wanting to have every possible outcome covered so this would go off without a hitch. You still had a bad feeling about today and it was getting worse the closer you got to the base. You wanted to make up with Bucky But as soon as Tony was done going over everything the quinjet landed and everyone was running out to blitz attack the base and its occupants. 

You followed behind Bucky trying to get to the second floor so Steve and Nat could get to the third. There were more HYDRA agents than you all had expected and you and Bucky were fighting back to back. 

“Barton, Wilson you two aren’t too busy up there, we could sure use your help down here.” Tony spoke through the coms. You wanted to let him know that you and Bucky weren’t fairing too much better down here but you could never get a breath to speak. As soon as you and Bucky thought that maybe you had a handle on the second floor a swarm of agents came out of nowhere. One in particular came at your left splitting you from Bucky. Bucky noticed and kept trying to make his way back to you but he had five agents against him, and you had three against you. The three you were fighting kept trying to get you backed against the wall. You fought for every inch you could to get closer to Bucky, but they kept coming at you and you were starting to get sloppy. Your guns were out of ammo and you were alternating between hand to hand combat and your knife. It wasn’t until you heard a shot that you stopped. Hot, firey pain erupted in your abdomen. You saw the butt of a gun and heard Bucky’s scream before everything went black.

Bucky had never felt so scared in his entire life. He could hear Steve in his com asking what happened, but Bucky’s focus was on you. With strength Bucky didn’t even know he had he took down the five agents one after another leaving them a bloody mess on the floor. He took the gun from one of the agents and fired it at the three surrounding you killing them instantly. Bucky rushed forward reaching for you. He felt you neck looking for a pulse and nearly cried in relief when he felt your heartbeat. Bucky started putting pressure on the gunshot wound  which caused you to groan but he knew that you were nowhere near conscious. 

He didn’t know if it was seconds, minutes, or hours later since time seemed to stand still as he prayed that you would make it out of here. You didn’t deserve to die like this. You didn’t deserve to die at all. All he could think about was how he had pushed you away this week and the harsh things he said. Things he never apologized for. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand at his shoulder. That’s when he realized the team had made their way to them. He nearly sucker punched Steve when he tried to pull him away.

“I know, Buck. But you gotta let her go so Thor can get her to the tower so Cho can fix her.” Steve repeated this to Bucky four times before it sank in and he stopped resisting him. Thor gently picked you up before quickly running up the stairs and outside before lowering your legs to the ground so he could hold you with one arm and swing his hammer with the other. Using the quickest form of transport to get you the help you needed.

With the HYDRA agents dead or detained and the data on a flashdrive the group made their way somberly to the quinjet. Bucky moved like a zombie to his seat and stared at the spot you had been sitting in on the way there. The hour and a half back to the tower was the longest flight of Bucky’s life. He felt like he would drown in the guilt that was overcoming him. As soon as the quinjet landed he was running to Dr Cho. When Bucky reaches the med bay his heart stops. He doesn’t see you anywhere and his mind starts to spiral to the worst case scenario. It isn’t until Dr Cho is in front of him with her hands on his shoulders that he notices she had been speaking to him. 

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m afraid if you don’t calm down a little bit for me I may need to give you something to calm you down for you.” Bucky shakes his head to as if physically moving will get him to focus. 

“Where is she?” Are the only words he’s able to croak out. The doctor looks at him wearily for a few seconds before conceding and telling him again. 

“I finished her treatment in the regeneration cradle about 20 minutes ago. She’s resting in your room.” Bucky nodded to the doctor and whispered a quiet thanks before taking off for his room. He couldn’t believe you were okay until he saw it with his own eyes. Until he could replace the image burned into his retinas of your crumpled form with blood blossoming around your middle. When he reached his door he hesitated. He worried that this was some dream. The mount of blood that you had lost left him disbelieving that you would make it. He took a deep breath before opening the door. 

The sight of you in his bed took his breath away. It always did, but this time outweighed them all. Bucky moved slowly towards his bed. He stood over you watching the soft rise and fall of your chest as you slept. Bucky didn’t want to tear his eyes from for a second, but when he reached out to touch you he noticed he still had your blood staining his hands. He quickly walked into the bathroom tearing off his gear as quickly as possible and took the quickest and yet most thorough shower of his life. When he walked back into his room after drying off he reached for his pajama bottoms so when he held you he could feel as much of you against his skin as possible. 

He carefully climbed into the bed and gingerly moved you to your side so your back was against his chest. He peppered kisses against your shoulder while his flesh hand traced patterns on your arm. Bucky began humming a song you had showed him months ago. You had told him that you thought of him when you heard it and ever since it always made him think of you. It wasn’t long before he felt you start to wake. As much as he knew you needed to rest, and sleep was a big part of that, he was selfishly happy to see your eyes open. 

“Hey you.” Your voice cracked as you whispered, but you knew Bucky still heard it. 

“Hey.”

“I uhm, I guess you were right. I nearly got myself killed. I guess I couldn’t handle that mission or HYDRA after all.” You whispered out while staring at the wall. You felt terrible about yelling at Bucky before, but it was even worse now. He had been right, and you nearly got yourself killed because you were frustrated with his actions. You winced as Bucky went to guide you to turn over. Even though the regeneration cradle healed you up just fine, you were still a little sore and tender. Eventually you turned over to face Bucky though, and what you saw broke your heart. His eyes were bloodshot and tears were streaming down his face. You reached out a hand to wipe them away causing Bucky to let out the softest gasp.

He hadn’t even realized he was crying until you wiped away his tears. His heart broke at your words of self blame. It wasn’t your fault and he needed you to believe that.

“Hey, I was a royal jerk this past week, and what I said was way out of line. I took out my fear and anxiety on you. But there wasn’t a doubt in my mind for a second that you could handle the mission or HYDRA. I was just scared because I know what they’re capable of. It terrified the absolute living shit out of me that they would be anywhere near you where they could potentially hurt you. My fear got the best of me, and that’s no excuse for what I said or my actions. And I hope to God that you forgive me, doll. Because I don’t know what I would do without you. But never doubt my confidence in your abilities. Even when I’m being an ass. I just couldn’t handle it if they did anything to you. After experiencing it first hand, I couldn’t live with myself if they got to you and hurt you, or god forbid killed you. I was scared that they would somehow find a way to initiate the brainwashing they did and make me hurt you, or if they separated us like they did. I’m scared to death about not being able to protect you from them-” 

“Hey, hey, I’m okay. I’m right here, and I’m okay, thanks to you I might add.” You cut Bucky off from talking when you noticed he was hyperventilating, you knew if you didn’t get him to calm down he would go into a full blown panic attack. You tilted your head and brushed your lips against his. Your kisses were slow and soft, and you didn’t stop until Bucky’s breathing was nearly even with your own. 

“I have so much I want to say to you but right now I just need to feel you.” Bucky whispered against your lips before kissing you. You nodded your head after the kiss broke.

“Sing me to sleep?” You asked softly.

“Yeah, c’mere.” Bucky laid on his back and draped a spare blanket over his metal arm so it wouldn’t be so hard or cold if your head drifted from his chest. Bucky began singing softly as you both drifted off to sleep, his deep voice lulling you into the best sleep you’ve had in a while.

_ Walking down this hill tonight _

_ I had a thought all to myself _

_ As I contemplated the moonlight _

_ We've got it all, we've got it made _

_ I don't know how I got here _

_ But I'm holding on for the crash _


End file.
